Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize