How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
