i'm lost and i look like a hooker
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
