i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
