he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
