sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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