I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
