After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
