I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
