I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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