if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
