Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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