maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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