so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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