4 words: hood of his car
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
