apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
