my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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