Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
