Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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