You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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