She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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