That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
