Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
she pinky promised me she was 18
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
