did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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