Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
