i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You made out with two different species that night
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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