I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
