I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
