if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My ass is underappreciated
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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