How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
