I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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