its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
