he wants to bone in the snuggie
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
