Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We had sex on a dog bed..
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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