i may or may not be watching the land before time
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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