I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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