I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
