I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
either way he was missing a nipple.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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