Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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