Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
