well I can't set my house on fire every night
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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