Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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