Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
