Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Who died my cat blue again?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
