My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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