He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
