I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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