Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Drunk is not a location!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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