erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Houston, we have a squirter
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
