The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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