i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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