i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
