well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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