i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
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