that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
