it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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