grandma shit on top of the toilet
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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