I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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